52 Funny Nurses Quotes and Sayings


Funny Nurses Quotes and Saying for National Nurses Week: National Nurses Day is celebrated on 6th of May. It is celebrated for a week and ends on 12th of May. National Nurses Day is also known as International Nurses Day for nurses.

Whether it’s a regular day, a nurse’s week or a stressful day, a nurse ( Including “student nurses” 🙂 who works their ass off ) need motivation every single day (and a HUG too). 😛

The motivation can either be in a strict way or a funny way. Well, we think funny way is the best of all.  A dose of humor should be mandatory for a nurse, to help her add more positivity to this lovely profession – “Taking care”.

The Following nurses’ Quotes and sayings are funny and basically true. And I bet you can relate to it.

Here we have hand-picked 45 best funny nurses’ sayings and quotes from many nurses sites, Pinterest and some of my colleagues.

And don’t forget to share if you love them. 

Funny Nurses Quotes – International Nurses Day

“I avoid unhealthy looking people at the mall for fear that I may have to CPR on my day off.”

“I’m a nurse. Let me tell you what I am not. Your WAITRESS. Your SERVANT.  Your DRUG DEALER . Your PUNCHING BAG.”

“Nursing would be a dream job if there were no doctors, nurse in charge and patients ”

“Nurses ..here to save your ass, not to kiss it.”

“Do you want to speak to the Doctor in charge.. Or the NURSE who actually knows what’s going on?”

“Multiple traumas – A unit full of ventilators and patients trying to die on me all day…I’m sorry what were you saying about your busy day with the stapler?”

“You think Mondays are bad? Try working weekends, holidays and 12 hours night!”

“ Treat you  nurse well. ‘I can walk as slow or as fast as I choose to retrieve that pain medication you requested.“

“A new nurse doesn’t want the patient to fall because she doesn’t want him to get hurt. And old nurse doesn’t want the patient to fall because she hates paperwork.”

“Showering won’t be enough after today. I’ll need to be autoclave.”

“It is too bad that having a job which sucks life out of you does not suck the fat from your ass.”

“Yes, I charted that I charted what I previously charted. Wait, hold on I have to chart that I told you about my charting.”

How do nurse day “Fuck you”? ..”Yes, doctor”.

The only chance I got to sit down today was on toilet.”

“A new nurse writes notes on a pad.  An old nurse writes on a napkin, at the back of their hand, or even on their forearm.”

“A new nurse is excited to sign everything. An old nurse tries not to sign anything.”

“Yes, I’m nurse. No, I don’t want to look at it.”

“Hit your call light again and see what happens.”

Also, see Funny Patient’s, Nurses & Doctor’s sayings

“Get me 5cc of common sense…STAT! We’re losing them.”

“Not all patients are annoying, some are unconscious.”

“Dear god, please let me have all skinny patients tomorrow. Amen”

“If I collapse at work, here is the list of doctors I don’t want working on me.”

“Ever get to work and immediately just be like, “Fuck this, I’m out”

“Be nice to me …I may be your nurse someday!!!”

“Remember… Catheters and needles comes in sizes I Choose”

“On the second day, the knee was better, and on the third day, it disappeared.”

“Just because I’m a nurse doesn’t mean I’m rich.”

“A new nurse comes in with the perfect hair and makeup. An old nurse comes in and is just glad to be there.”

“Tried to go a whole day without talking about bowels. !FAILED!”

“How many nurses does it take to screw a lightbulb? None-Its delegated to the nursing students.”


“Since I started nursing school, I get less sleep at night than you get during a nap.”

“Although that answer is right..it is not the best answer.”

“Nursing school: where your classmates see you more than your family.”

“Altered nutrition r/t having 4 minutes to eat lunch.”

“Risk for self-injury  r/t excessive carrying of 2,000-lb. textbooks.”

“Self-care deficit r/t being a nursing student.”

Nursing student – “You love your scrubs so much that you wish you could wear it all day.”

Nursing student  “Hand sanitizer has started to become your best friend.”

“Some people think that doctors and nurses can put scrambled eggs back in the shell.”

“A new nurse worries that the patient might die. An old nurse knows that there are worse things than dying.”

“A new nurse gets scared when a doctor yells. An old nurse yells back.”

“A new nurse tries so hard to please the patient’s family members. An old nurse tries so hard to avoid them.”

“How can anybody hate nurses? Nobody hates nurses. The only time you hate a nurse is when they’re giving you an enema.”

“A man who want pretty nurse must be the patient.”

Nurses week is the most fun week for nurses. Getting appreciated throughout the week (well that the only time we get appreciated), students bunking classes, getting duty time off for performance preparation and more fun stuff all around the week.

So, this is what basically is a life of a Nurse. Boring in an Amusing way – Annoying in an Interesting way – Stressful in a comical Way!

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