80 Funny Inspirational Quotes

When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane

Following are the best and Interesting Funny Inspirational and positive Quotes with images.

   Funny Inspirational Quotes 


“When everything is coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.” »  Steven Wright


“If you tell the truth, you don’t have to remember anything.” »  Mark Twain


“Life is not about how fast you run, or how high you climb, but how well you bounce.”


“If you are afraid of being lonely, don’t try to be right.” »  Jules Renard


“I knew I was going to take the wrong train, so I left early.” »  Yogi Berra


“By working faithfully eight hours a day you may eventually get to be boss and work twelve hours a day.” »  Robert Frost


“If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?.” »  Steven Wright


“It’s okay to look at the past and the future. Just don’t stare.”


“I never did give them hell. I just told the truth, and they thought it was hell.” »  Harry S Truman


“Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.” »  Napoleon Bonaparte


“You grow up the day you have your first real laugh – at yourself.” »  Ethel Barrymore


“Even a stopped clock is right twice every day. After some years, it can boast of a long series of successes.” »  Marie von Ebner


“Many of us spend half our time wishing for things we could have if we didn’t spend half our time wishing.” »  Alexander Woollcott


“Five out of four people have trouble with fractions.”


“It’s a strange world of language in which skating on thin ice can get you into hot water.” »  Franklin P. Jones


“It’s good to shut up sometimes.” »  Marcel Marceau


“There is a dearth of mirth on the earth.” »  Bill Nelson


“If you let your head get too big, it’ll break your neck.” »  Elvis Presley


“Remember, today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.” »  Dale Carnegie


“Love is like an hourglass, with the heart filling up as the brain empties.” »  Jules Renard


“None of us is as dumb as all of us.”


“Write a wise saying and your name will live forever.”


“Don’t mind your make-up, you’d better make your mind up.” »  Frank Zappa


“I feel like a fugitive from the law of averages.” »  William Mauldin


“In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice; In practice, there is.” »  Chuck Reid


“The sun, with all those planets revolving around it and dependent upon it, can still ripen a bunch of grapes as if it had nothing else in the universe to do.” »  Galileo Galilei


“Everyone is entitled to their own incorrect opinion.” »  Brian Vaszily


“Logic will get you from A to B. Imagination will take you everywhere.” »  Albert Einstein


“I’ve developed a new philosophy… I only dread one day at a time.” »  Charles Schulz


“Always remember that you are unique. Just like everybody else.”


“God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.” »  Robin Williams


Also, see: Top 75 Sarcastic Quotes


“When you’re out of willpower you call on stubbornness, that’s the trick.” »  Henri Matisse


“Self awareness is NOT just a bunch of amino acids bumping together.” »  Robert A. Heinlein


“Always do right. This will gratify some people and astonish the rest.” »  Mark Twain


“We make up horrors to help us cope with the real ones.” »  Stephen King,


“Burn your computer. Blow up your TV. Bludgeon your cell phone. Breathe deeply. This, my friends, is the secret to inner-peace.” »  Brian Vaszily


“Human salvation lies in the hands of the creatively maladjusted.” »  Martin Luther King, Jr.


“Good advice is something a man gives when he is too old to set a bad example.” »  La Rochefoucald


“Follow your dreams, except for the one where you’re naked in church.” »  Rev. David Ault


“If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.” »  Groucho Marx


“A committee is a group that keeps the minutes and loses hours.” »  Milton Berle


“Doughnuts. Is there anything they can’t do?.” »  Homer Simpson


“The trouble with being punctual is that nobody’s there to appreciate it.”»  Franklin P. Jones


“When I hear someone sigh that life is hard, I am tempted to ask, ‘compared to what?'” » Sydney Harris


“I am so clever that sometimes I don’t understand a single word of what I am saying.” »  Oscar Wilde


“Life is like a ten-speed bicycle. Most of us have gears we never use.” »  Charles Schulz


“I make more mistakes than anyone else I know. And, sooner or later, I patent most of them.” »  Thomas Edison


“”DECIDE what it is you really want to do in this world, the one thing that, 150 years from now, will still cause people to exclaim, ‘He was here, he did something “AMAZING.’ And then grab some Tostitos and go watch ESPN. That’s enough self-delusional bullshit for one day.” » Buster Guru


“Honest criticism is hard to take, particularly from a relative, a friend, an acquaintance, or a stranger.” »  Franklin P. Jones


“Life begins at 40 – but so do fallen arches, rheumatism, faulty eyesight, and the tendency to tell a story to the same person, three or four times.” »  Helen Rowland


“The road to success is dotted with many tempting parking spaces.” »  Will Rogers


“If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into committees. That’ll do them in.”


“Against the assault of laughter nothing can stand.”»  Mark Twain


“There are two ways to pass a hurdle: leaping over or plowing through… There needs to be a monster truck option.”»  Jeph Jacques


“It is bad to suppress laughter. It goes back down and spreads to your hips.”»  Fred Allen


“You might as well fall flat on your face as lean over too far backward.”»  James Thurber


“There are basically two types of people. People who accomplish things, and people who claim to have accomplished things. The first group is less crowded.”»  Mark Twain


“A clear conscience is a sure sign of a bad memory.”


“Money won’t make you happy … but everybody wants to find out for themselves.”»  Zig Ziglar


Also, See: Short Funny Quotes – One Liners


“I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didn’t know.”»  Mark Twain


“If I had a dollar for every time someone came to me with not only a problem but also a possible solution to that problem, I’d have six dollars.”»  Brian Vaszily


“If you’re going through hell, keep going.”»  Winston Churchill


“You can’t have everything. Where would you put it?”» Steven Wright


“I’ve got all the money I’ll ever need, if I die by four o’clock.” »  Henny Youngman


“A good time for laughing is when you can.” »  Jessamyn West


“Laughter is a weapon of mass construction.” »  Kat Caverly


“Never hold discussions with the monkey when the organ grinder is in the room.” »  Winston Churchill


“One thing you will probably remember well is any time you forgive and forget.” »  Franklin P. Jones


“People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well, neither does bathing – that’s why we recommend it daily.” »  Zig Ziglar


“Anyone who takes himself too seriously always runs the risk of looking ridiculous; anyone who can consistently laugh at himself does not.” »  Vaclav Havel


“Some people develop a wishbone where their back bone should be.”


“Coincidence is God’s way of remaining anonymous.” » Albert Einstein


“Opportunity is always knocking. The problem is that most people have the self-doubt station in their heads turned up way too loud to hear it.” »  Brian Vaszily


“You can’t wait for inspiration. You have to go after it with a club.”»  Jack London


“People who fly into a rage always make a bad landing.” »  Will Rogers


“I always keep some whiskey handy in case I see a snake…which I also keep handy.”»  W. C. Fields


“I know worrying works, because none of the stuff I worried about ever happened.”»  Will Rogers


“I am an old man and have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened.” »  Mark Twain


Also, see: Funny Fear Quotes


“Hegel was right when he said that we learn from history that man can never learn anything from history.” »  George Bernard Shaw


“Leadership is the art of getting someone else to do something you want done because he wants to do it.” »  Dwight Eisenhower


“Contraceptives should be used on every conceivable occasion.” »  Spike Milligan


“When you battle with your conscience and lose, you win.” »   Henny Youngman


“Everybody’s got to believe in something. I believe I’ll have another beer.” »  W. C. Fields


“God is dead – Nietzsche “Nietzsche is dead.” – God


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